


Flashback in a hush

by leechailatten



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Romantic Fluff, Romantic Friendship, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-17 04:48:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29466048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leechailatten/pseuds/leechailatten
Summary: Just for the sake of Taeyong’s happiness, Doyoung used to hold back a secret that went away with him once things were broken. Up to this day, he hasn’t been able to tell anybody.
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 3
Kudos: 42
Collections: Challenge #5 — I heard a secret..





	Flashback in a hush

Of all the things Yuta has convinced Doyoung to do, this one has to be the safest one, yet the one that makes him feel he's stooping so low. 

_ A blind date _ . 

No, even worse than that. If Yuta had at least chosen the person he was trying to set up Doyoung with, -which was exactly what the man thought they would be doing when Yuta suggested having a double date night in a restaurant- it would be better than the shit they are getting into.

"I can't believe you setted me up like this!" Scowls Doyoung, eyes wide as he reads the poster at the entrance and realización hits him."An express blind date?!" 

"I ran out of friends to introduce you to"

"You don't have to introduce me to anyone, I already told you that!" Doyoung crosses his arms over his chest, sulking and knowing that there's no actual way out of this when they have come all the way to the place. He sighs hard and readjusts his glasses on the bridge of his nose, wrapping himself on the long, cosy coat he is wearing. "I told you that I don’t need to date. The day I meet someone to love it'll be nice, but-"

"That day could be today" 

"You didn’t understand anything. I meant that I would like to do it naturally, Yuta, I'm not eager to meet someone" 

"But I am!" He complains and puffs. "And there was no way I attended this thing alone. You are my bestie and moral support, so that's what you've got" 

"Listen, I'll stay because I'm already here and I don’t want to pay the taxi back home alone, but  _ this _ is the first and last time you have dragged me to one of these. Literally forget trying to trick me ever again because I'll leave you by yourself and I won't feel bad. These events are ridiculous and only stupids come!" Says Doyoung loudly, making half of the singletons that crowd the line turn at him with judging eyes. He clicks his tongue and lowers his tone whilst Yuta laughs at him. "You heard me, I'm not coming back. Mass dates like this are so cold and awkward… it's so unlikely to meet your soulmate here"

"Your  _ soulmate _ ? And you were the one that is not looking for anyone? Damn, I didn’t say anything about soulmates and love for life, just meet someone new and try things out if you like them"

"Still think it’s absurd. Now what? Do we go in there and play musical chairs to choose a date just like it's a melon at the supermarket?" 

"No, come on, you have the poster right there, read it" says Yuta, pointing at the enormous and over optimistic piece of paper that's hanging on the wall. "We go in there, draw a paper with a number from the box, you go to the table with that number and  _ boom! _ a thirty minutes date. You can do whatever… ah, but you can't take off your mask" 

"Uh? Why not?"

"Because it's a blind date, you are supposed to meet the other person blindly!" 

"God, this is so  _ stupid _ . So you are there and can't even reveal your face to the person you are trying to make your something?"

"You can but at the end of the date"

"Why?"

"Oh my god, Doyoung, I don’t know! It's just a silly exercise to meet new people, don't stress that much!"

"Every word you say makes me find this more stupid. But well, at least if I get paired with a psychopath he won't track me easily because of my ‘undercover identity’" mocks Doyoung drawing some quotation marks with his fingers. 

“Just relax for thirty minutes, if it sucks the world will still spin around the axis when you leave”

Doyoung sighs and lets his shoulders sink because he knows there's no point in this argument. He just waits in line and goes into the restaurant like everyone else, giving dreadful eyes to Yuta who, for the other hand, just throws an amused smile to him and hands him one of the pieces of paper from the box. 

Doyoung wants to groan, but he doesn't. Now that he is here, he might go alone with the mood. Next time he will jump into Donghyuk's plan and go to the movies even if it's terror. It sure won't be as horrifying as this fast food concept of building relationships. 

Doyoung cracks the folded paper open as if it's a fortune cookie. 

Number twenty-six. 

He shrugs and waves goodbye to Yuta, who has gotten the number seven. They seem to be obligated to sit far from each other for the next half hour, but Doyoung doesn't complain after this set up. 

All the tables are the same except from the number they show in a little metal plate. 

Doyoung has to admit the restaurant is cute, even cosy; maybe he would have chosen something like it for a real date in which he was truly interested. He hopes the night doesn't go too bad so the place doesn't get ruined and he can come back again. 

When he finds the number twenty-six in the dining area, both chairs are still empty, but Doyoung has little choice but to pick one of the chairs and sit down to wait. 

In the meantime he ponders morbidously about how much easier for a hypothetical delinquent attending an express date night would be to kill him at the hidden corner the table is pulled in, no matter how unlikely to happen that is. 

All the restaurant smells like food and hot verberages, but Doyoung is losing appetite with the inevitable nervousness of waiting for someone under the orangey light of the warm lamp above the table. Is not like he needs  _ this _ , but being stood up for someone you haven't met yet would be a blow for anyone's self-esteem.

Doyoung looks at his phone wondering how many minutes he has been waiting for the stranger and discovering the answer is only three. He can't rely on texting, since there's not a contact, nor a way to know what he should be looking for. 

"Oh, hey, sorry" suddenly laughs an almost shy voice. Doyoung snaps his head up from his phone screen to stare at the man that has stopped in front of the table and is taking off the black pouch crossed on his chest. "It’s embarrassing to start like this but I couldn't find the table in this crevice of the room"

Doyoung could admit that the input is a funny and adorable way to break the ice in the clumsy situation, but he can’t laugh, considering he is frozen now. 

Because he recognises him.

There's no space for doubt even under the mask and with the change of hair color that now -years later and not under the restrictive code of their high school- is pale blonde. The combination of big brown eyes, prominent eyebrows and the small scar next to his eye makes it obvious. The husky timbre of his voice only wraps all up like a present. 

If any filament of Doyoung's psique could ever feel the slightless flood of feelings within a thirty minutes date, it could only be because of  _ him _ . 

He should probably open his mouth to talk, but he feels like words have left him permanently. 

"Can I sit?" Asks the blondie, gesturing towards the table and crooking his expression with the same awkwardness that pollutes the entire room of wandering singletons. 

"Yeah, of course" coughs Doyoung, glad that the other man can only see half of his puzzled expression. "And I mean, it's okay, who puts a table here, right? I guess it’s to fit more people in… you think they make a lot of money with these events?" 

Doyoung vomits the words like a turrent, moving into the frenzied phase of embarrassment and shock where he can only babble nonsense. 

"I guess they get a benefit, but I have to be honest… this is my first time attending something like this" 

_ 'And with a reason' _ thinks Doyoung. The last time he had seen Lee Taeyong he wore a ring around his fourth finger.

Doyoung had his little secret back then, and still today he keeps it from Taeyong and from the rest of the world because, under key and lock in his heart is the only place where it's safe. Maybe it created a space between them, but that was the only way that Doyoung had to keep seeing him with guarantees.

After all, a secret told ceases to be a secret.

He had almost forgotten how weighty it is to carry that unknown piece of the world by himself, but it returns all at once now that he is sitting in front of Taeyong and his eyes check him out all over as if he was seeing him for the first time. 

He can't tell who he is, and that breaks Doyoung inside. 

Was Taeyong that mad with him last time? 

Taeyong and he had met many years ago. 

The way they first saw each other was nothing spectacular and with fireworks, they just happened to be in the same high school class from first grade. However, time and proximity did the rest and it did it  _ good _ . 

They just pieced together perfectly. Soon enough Doyoung got a soft spot for the delicate and vibrant energy of the boy, and always stood for him. And Taeyong played along every time, amused with the velocity in which Doyoung could react to his childish teasing and engage in the fun.

Saying Taeyong without Doyoung became something unthinkable for their entire school. It was like peanut butter with no jam or Orpheus without Eurydice. 

For a good measure, Doyoung liked Taeyong just as much as the latter example.

He never had the chance to tell him. 

It might sound too dramatic at first instance, but reality truly couldn't have changed. And again, it was all because of a decision of the very same Doyoung. 

He, who had been interested in journalist research even from the start, had convinced a second grader Taeyong to sign up in an extracurricular after class with him so they could work in the school's newspaper. The man had laughed about him when he told him, but then he turned the subscriptions in because if Doyoung was to spend time learning press layouts, he would stick to him and throw his affection at him in taunting form. 

Doyoung was static, but it lasted only a couple of weeks until one of the new editors popped out from nowhere. 

Jung Jaehyun, a school heartthrob that almost everyone wanted. And Taeyong wasn’t an exception for that one trend. 

The only difference is that his face, the adorable air that surrounded him and his ride-or-die determination when the older decided he wanted to get something had led him to match up with Jaehyun and become one of the most envied couples across their all-male school. Meanwhile, Doyoung had to bear with the ‘I thought you were something’s and other pitiful comments from colleagues. 

He also thought they were  _ already  _ something. He was positive that even without having the real conversation, their situation had transcended friendship. It felt like it when they were alone. 

He was wrong, apparently, but he still kept his secret for himself because that’s what Taeyong deserved. There was no way Doyoung could have changed things by confessing his true feelings to his best friend. He would have only gotten an awkward chuckle from Taeyong and an obvious ‘but I’m with Jaehyun’ reminder that would have debunked their calm relationship. 

He preferred Taeyong to be happy much more than dating him at all cost.

Sometimes being a real friend means to silently sit through the heartache. 

If only it had continued like that. Because sometimes, it means breaking the fourth wall for the sake of the other's well being. There was when everything went to hell, when wrong things were said and all ended up in a break-up.

Because yes, Doyoung discovered like that that you can feel all that pain when you part from someone dear to you even if you weren’t officially involved in a romantic way.

Leaving Taeyong hurt like hell. So much that he questioned whether they never really were more than friends. And he does it again now, looking at him. 

“So you... Don’t come often” gulps Doyoung, trying to start a conversation that can be typically used on a blind date. Because, obviously, he hasn’t come prepared to open the gate of his heart that has been closed for years even though something is knocking loudly from the other side right now. “Long time alone or…what? Married but not happily?”

The blonde seems to find Doyoung’s stiff question amusing, giggling casually with the same squeaky tone Doyoung had fallen for. “No, God. I was just desperate for a change of scenery. What about you?”

“A friend tricked me into coming”

“Really? I'll thank him later" he grins, no shame in sight. "So you aren't up to anything?”

“Open to doubt” mumbles Doyoung, betraying himself with a mouth quicker than his brain. 

They make a pause when a waitress steps by their table’s side and ask them if they want something, only obtaining an even more unsettling ambience when they answer in unison that they want a white mocha iced coffee and the woman smiles entertained with that ‘coincidence’ during an event that’s supposed to skyrocket you to the tunnel of love. 

“So… have you had any important relationships before?”

“It’s hard to explain,” says Taeyong, slipping the straw of his drink under the mask to sip from it. “Let’s say that… long ago I was engaged, but it didn’t go pass that stage”

“Oh… really?” says Doyoung, putting on his best pretending voice. “I don’t think I could let go of someone like you.  _ Again _ . What happened with your fiancé?”

Taeyong blushes, delighting Doyoung who sees the reaction on the red hue of his ears peeking out from his hair due to the push of the mask’s stripes. After so long, Taeyong fell for the same praises Doyoung used with him to redeem his pressed sentiments. 

“I think that’s precisely what happened, he was scared of the possibility of me going away. He was my highschool boyfriend and the day we graduated, he went down on one knee” 

Doyoung nods, listening to the story as if he wasn’t fucking present when all of that happened and they ended up having the final argument. Not because Doyoung loved Taeyong and wanted to save himself a disappointment, but because he knew that Taeyong was too young and unprepared for marrying someone and he refused to see that.

“I said yes. I guess that I was in love with the idea of the wedding instead of loving my fiancé, and a year later, as it was meant to happen… I realized I couldn't stand it and canceled everything three months before the wedding”

Doyoung makes a pause because what in the heavens is he supposed to feel about this whole encounter.

“You are almost a runaway groom then” is the only witty thing he gets to say, making Taeyong chuckle again. 

“With more time to be ashamed while emailing all the guests to cancel, but mostly yes. We obviously broke up after that" 

“Shit...” mutters Doyoung, processing the reveal of Taeyong’s story after they parted. “So… how did you end up here, then?”

With 'here' he mostly meant in front of him after so long, but Taeyong doesn’t know that. 

“It’s been a long time since I've gone out with anyone. I saw this event on the newspaper and thought ‘well, who dies for trying?’”

"Who even reads newspapers anymore?" Jokes Doyoung, almost sardonic. "I thought everyone read the news in their phones nowadays"

"Not me" confidently answers the blonde. Then he sighs with a smile that rises up to his glowing eyes. "I have a fond relationship with newspapers, a good memory of them..."

Doyoung lowers his eyes to his untouched coffee and stirs it to hear the clinking sound of ice twirling around instead of his heart collapsing with the weight of memories. 

"Is that so?" 

"Yeah. The truth is… that an old friend of mine writes a monthly opinion piece. The habit is a bit stupid of me, since it makes me nostalgic. I miss him"

“Where is he?” he just whispers. 

_ He’s only sitting in front of Taeyong right now.  _

"We don't talk anymore"

"Why not?" 

"I acted stupid and lost him"

"Irremediably?"

"I don't know" says Taeyong, his voice turning heavy and his attention dropping to the rustic table mat. "I've wanted to get him back for too long, but it would be so incredibly embarrassing to face him and say…" the blonde locks eyes with Doyoung again in a weightless moment. "'You were right, it all was a colossal blunder. Let’s get back'" 

“I see…”

"Sometimes I think I should have married him instead" whispers Taeyong underbreath, but it hits Doyoung with the force of an eight-wheeled truck. 

And the bell rings because half an hour is nothing in the lifetime they need for each other. 

Before he moves, Doyoung takes Taeyong’s hand in his with the rush and desperation he has built for years without knowing. The latter gasps a little. 

" _ Taeyong _ " 

Almost every person in the room gets up to leave their tables with the hope of forgetting the horrifyingly awkward and shameful exchange they have been having for the past minutes. 

Everyone but Taeyong, who's still staring at Doyoung's long fingers wrapping around his hand as if they had always belonged there. He looks up and sighs, lowering his mask to reveal the sweet and regretful smile that adorns his plush, pink his lips.

"Kim Doyoung, it's been a long time"

**Author's Note:**

> [ Twitter](https://twitter.com/leechailatten)


End file.
